Ever since the 1800s, feminist movements and women rights groups have been actively campaigning worldwide on issues such as reproductive rights, educational rights, equal pay, maternity leave, women’s suffrage, and against sexual harassment and violence. The movements priorities vary among nations and communities, but basically help promote the equal treatment between both sexes.
We, women, as a group has come a long way in improving our rights. Today, we go to the same universities as our male counterparts. We vote in elections; run for public office; work in jobs previously reserved for men; take up sports; join the army, and were basically able to engage in a wider range of activities than the women of yesteryears. Granted, there are still some cultures which suppress the rights of a woman and a lot of work needs to be done still, but as a whole, women are considered better off now.
Or, are we? In this article, I offer my point of view on this issue. Are we better off? Or, worse off?
I had studied hard from a young age, gone to university, majored in Business Finance and graduated with a degree in Business Administration from the National University of Singapore. Growing up, I have had many role models of successful and powerful women. The one most significant one being Margaret Thatcher, often called the ‘Iron Lady’. In the corporate world, we have successful examples of people like Oprah Winfrey and Martha Stewart. Today we see even more females in the spot light - Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Angela Merkel and many more. At every turn of our life, women have been reminded yet and again that there are opportunities out there for us.
I had always dreamt of climbing the corporate ladder to one day reach the top and be a world famous corporate leader. Capitalism and Meritocracy were the sworn theories of my youthful days. Somehow, if I worked hard, anything was possible. But the day I met the love of my life, everything changed. Priorities further changed when my kids were born. Suddenly, it is ‘career’ or ‘motherhood’. If I were to choose ‘career’, then I would have to bear the guilt of not being there for my kids. My work might have to require me to travel and then I would have to leave my kids with grandparents or maids. My work may be so demanding that I could not find time for my kids. I would not be able to actively participate in the up-bringing of my kids, and would have to leave the teaching part to someone else. The fact is working mothers are always being made to feel guilty.
It turned out that I did not even have the chance to choose. I had followed my husband on his overseas postings and now live in his hometown in Japan. Believing that a family should stay in-tact and members should not stay apart, I had chosen to move with my husband. I had involuntarily become a stay-home mother. 10 years into this ‘job’, I am starting to have reservations. I had missed out on the most productive years of my life in which I could have fulfilled my dream of being successful. Why else would I have studied so hard in the first place?
Being a full time housewife and mother means that my days are spent thinking of cooking, cleaning and the next weekend when the family can go out together. My life revolves around ‘supermarketing’, laundering, cleaning, cooking and watching over my kids. In very simple terms, I have become the ‘maid’ and the ‘nanny’ of the house. Undeniably, I do enjoy being a full time mother and being always there for my kids. What I am saying is that had I not received that much education which had inflated my ego, then perhaps I would have enjoyed much more full-heartedly the joys of motherhood.
The day a woman steps into a school, her life is destined with dilemmas and choices. Education opens up a woman’s chances in life. Women are no longer subjugated by men. Society as a whole cheers the women who worked as hard as the men. We cheered those women who were as successful as, if not more than, their male counterparts. But society as a whole often forgets that women are still delegated with the job of ‘giving birth’. Carrying babies in our tummies make us more ‘motherly’ and we have a natural tendency to want to nurture our babies. But being educated make us want to be as successful as the men. Equality between the sexes means that women are caught in between two hard choices. Is it fairness then?
I am not saying that women should forego education, nor am I saying that equality is not good for a woman. It is too late now to turn back the clock. We women, have had a taste of what equality is, and we are not about to give it up and go back to a life of subjugation. What I am saying is that, with equality, society must also find ways to support the womenfolk better. Working mothers should not be made to feel guilty. Better childcare services must be provided. Husbands must be made to do their part as a parent. Men must be able to take leave from their work to look after their children. Likewise, stay-home mothers must not be made to feel that they have missed out. When these mothers are able to join the workforce again at an older age, there must be more training and support for them.
Equality should not just mean same opportunities for men and women. Women have the extra responsibility of bearing children, so the balance must be tilted in our direction. Women are the pillars of our society, so let’s think of more ways to support them.